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1) Unconditional love
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| The two choices |
| The choice of love |
| Problems of fulfillment |
| Sources of love |
| Questions of love |
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Love overcomes lusts
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God designed each husband to take initiative to bring a constant shower of unconditional love and kindness to his wife. This husband's love pictures the way God brings love into this world.
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| So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. |
The only two responses to God's love initiative, is to either imitate by loving, or to reject and so choose to lust. Love is the opposite of lust. Love represents giving; lust speaks of getting. Love is not concerned with one's own benefits; lust convinces one that he is getting the best deal. We would like a third choice but there is none. Whenever we leave the designs of God, only a mess results. Think with me for a moment. Is it not true whenever you fulfill your self-focused desires, you feel empty and often disgusted with yourself? Lust brags about getting, but in the end, it gets nothing but unhappiness. This is because of the guilt involved. |
Love
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lust
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| Guilt arises when you grab something that is not yours. All sexual play or thoughts outside the circle of marriage are wrong. This is because he does not wholly devote himself to his wife. Only his wife belongs to him (in a good sense). This is why Jesus spoke of sexual thoughts directed to others as adultery. When this occurs, man has given up his noble focus on whole-hearted devoted giving to his wife. |
Guilt also arises when you get something in a way that is not considerate or kind. Giving implies doing those things which are good, gentle, kind, helpful, etc. For example, imagine an husband asking his wife to play act another woman! Does that show any kind of respect for her?! Even within the confines of marriage, much thought, activity and desire is lust oriented and must be quickly eliminated. |
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Love reigns in the beautiful marriage. Sexual desires and expressions fit beautifully into this context of giving love. The basis of this love is the expected and constant treatment that a man needs to have for his wife. This kind treatment is not based on feeling, looks or bargaining chips. You probably are familiar with the normal, "You love me, and I will love you." This attitude makes love conditional. Genuine love at its core is unconditional – giving without anything expected in return. Love is based on the commitment of the husband to keep treating his wife nicely no matter how she responds, even if sacrifice of self is needed. We learned this through Christ. We also learn it from beautiful marriages.
"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church." (Ephesians 5:28-29, NASB)
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