Christian Premarital Counseling Manual for CounselorsPreparing the Two to Be One
Rev. Paul J. Bucknell |
Principles of Godly Communication
Session #2
Description: 'Principles of Godly Communication' identifies for the engaged couple under premarital counseling the key issues for proper communicaton and how to properly think of them under the guidance of Biblical principles.
The time structure of the second session will be repeated in the following sessions. After some short conversation, we will sit down and open in a word of prayer. This prayer is not a trivial matter. We are looking for God to breakthrough in their lives. 
Each time the truth of God is presented we are wholly dependent upon the Holy Spirit for these changes. We are also seeking wisdom for ourselves to know what to and not to say. These sessions are very limited. We need God to prepare the couple and work in them.
After this I begin with questions on how they are doing as a couple. Some couples might be shy and not be open about their disagreements. Probe a bit deeper into their answers until you get to know the couple and can know their situation.
This lesson is largely focused on basic communication skills. One has to see whether the husband talks and, if so, how much and about what. I also make sure that the couple talks in the right way, without criticism and arguing.
Some counselors openly say that arguing is good. It is not. Yes, arguments get the issues out in the open, but it does not do it in a proper way. And besides, there are other deeper issues that are hidden behind the now anger-covered scenes.
Time Distribution:
* Get further acquainted; Check on past assignments (10')
Check on their buying the book and starting to read (hopefully together). See if the husband led a Bible study or prayer time with his fiancée.
* Finish lesson #1: The Design of Marriage (5-30')
Don’t skip this section. Finish it next session if need be. In any case, briefly review it. You will need to keep coming back to it.
* Discuss any Homework (5-10')
- Any forms from last week? (You can discuss them during the lesson or now).
- Get and read the book?
- Read God’s Word and pray together?
* Discuss Handout #2 (60')
(1) Motivated by Love (Ephesians 5:22-33)
Follow up lesson #1 by showing how the husband and wife need to rightly communicate with each other. Expose any critical talk.
(2) The Touch of Grace and Truth (John 1:14)
One always needs to treat the other as if they never sinned and better! This is true for our conversation. It is not false. We choose to speak as God has instructed us. However, we must remember that does not mean we cover up our problems. Some people have not learned how to talk lovingly about problems. They need to learn how (don’t focus on the results of the conversation but on trying to identify the problem and solution together before the Lord).
(3) Guided by Biblical Principles (Ephesians 5:1-21)
Assign them to actually pick out different phrases in the passage that would help shape their conversations. They are to get their standards from the scriptures. They need to spend time in God’s Word together to gain those values. (Take example from their Bible study last week).
* End with prayer requests and prayer (10').
* Assign homework
(1) Keep reading, The Family: God’s Weapon for Victory by Robert Andrews.
(2) Distribute the two forms for the next session or later discussion.
Advice_Engaged_Couples .pdf | In-Law_Advice .pdf
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Paul J. Bucknell