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The Bible Teaching Commentary on Genesis: The Book of Foundations
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Catch : Confront : Correct
The Proper Correction of Our Children
Paul J. Bucknell
Understanding Correction | Avoiding Light | 1-Catch the Sin |
2-Control the Child | 3-Correct the Child
What would be considered the most effective and caring form of discipline for a disobedient child? And why?
The 3 C’s to Disciplining our Children
There are three aspects with properly discipline our children: catch, confront, and correct.
3) Correct the Child
Often the question is not on whether the parent should correct the child, the question is on how. There are many different answers given to this question. The scriptures are very clear on the necessity of physical correction. We do not think this means all the time or until all ages.
When the rod is needed, it will be given. No one likes using a rod on their child and seeing him cry. It would appear to be–and so many parents mistakingly conclude–much better to lovingly encourage him to promise never to do it again. That would be great if it worked, but the God who made us knows better than this.
Our desires are too great to be constrained by a few words. These words are used for permission or twisted to mean one needs to be more careful next time.
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I have eight children and fully understand that each child is unique, but each still has a sin nature that needs to be trained–just like their parents. We are not suggesting a ‘one for all’ specific pattern but a general approach–as children need personal love, they need discipline when they rebel. Inconsistency is a display of wretched mercy, sending confused messages to the child, and increasing the number of times a child will rebel.
The rod brings a strong, yet measured and temporary physical affliction to the child where guilt is acknowledged and dealt with. The child feels clean after the punishment and restoration–within minutes everything can be righted (except the broken pot).
The rod is quick. It is done.
In just a few minutes, restoration can be made. The child in the corner might have time to think over his mistakes, but does the child go through the restoration process? Is there a sure change of attitude? Constraint of activity is much more appropriate for older children who have been trained under the rod when young and therefore have been trained to humble their heart when they have done wrong.
Other kinds of verbal rebukes and corner standing do not deal with the guilt fighting in a child. Again, these other methods have their place, but they need to stand as assistants rather than the main means parents deal with wayward children just as the scriptures teach us.
We will at another place amplify more about a general framework on how to correct a child. For now, we want to convey that it is important to correct our children. We cannot skip over correction because of possible damage to the child’s self-esteem! God clearly considers identifying one’s sin, rebuking him, and leading to correction with hopes of reconciliation is much more important (i.e., God with Cain - Genesis 4).
Think about it. If a child gets away with sinful actions, they will do them again in the future. We are in a sense creating a path that enlarges their willful ways, strengthening their thirst for control. They will think highly of those things they can get away with. This is creating a person who is unruly and will insist on their own will. Whatever we think about self-esteem must succumb to the instructions of the scriptures.
Summary
Parents are facing a crisis in raising their children precisely because they are unknowingly, in most cases, going against the teaching of God’s Word. The world has so accentuated the case of ‘self-esteem’ that the world’s advice makes sense to them, but then, they need to compromise on God’s Word.
God corrects sinful people rather than allowing them to waver in their waywardness, falsely confident of themselves, and seeing them perish. God cares too much for this generation to have them walk in darkness without showing the light, and so should we, especially for the sake of our own children.
This moral epidemic of false teaching has ruined this generation, bringing them to think they no longer need God, forgiveness, and His direction, meanwhile suffering horrific breakdown of relationships and the use of drugs to coverup the sinful effects of poor teaching.
Study questions
1. Why do children avoid their parents when they do wrong?
2. How does God respond to people when they sin?
3. Is it better to overlook our child’s wrong or confront him/her? Why?
4. Should we encourage our children to make their own decisions? What if they are wrong decisions?
5. What is the problem of self-esteem teaching when applied to physical discipline?
6. What is the advantage of proper correction?
7. Read Genesis 4 and observe the ways God handles Cain in his sin. What are the principles we can learn from this regarding confronting and correcting our children?
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Our own family has gone through most of the problems families face twice. With eight children, some fully grown and our youngest at 18 months, we can see the whole process at once. We see the results of what works and what doesn't work. But even more, we have carefully studied and applied God's Word to parenting. You will be astonished to see how clearly God cares for you by presenting you answers for your practical parenting problems with lots of charts and graphics!
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Parenting SeminarsFor Prebirth, Birth and InfantFor Toddlers and UpGodly Beginnings for the Family series helps parents start right: filled with lots of practical advice for prebirth, birth and postbirth accompanied with reading, handouts and clear illustrations on early training.
Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting provides helpful teaching on forming a godly family. This series provides good reading material with handouts and diagrams. | Chinese |
Catch : Confront : Correct
The Proper Correction of Our Children
Understanding Correction | Avoiding Light | Catch the Sin | Control the Child | Correct the Child
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Biblical Foundations for Freedom ( BFF )
Rev. Paul J. Bucknell
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Scriptures typically quoted from the New American Standard Bible unless noted:
(C) Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1988