Paul J. Bucknell

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Understanding Correction | Avoiding Light | Catch the Sin | Control the Child | Correct the Child

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What would be considered the most effective and caring form of discipline for a disobedient child? And why?

The 3 C’s to Disciplining our Children

There are three aspects with properly discipline our children: catch, confront, and correct. (Part 1 ... previous)

2) Confront the Child

What do we do with the child once we are sure they have done wrong?

Should we overlook their sin once we find it? Some parents think that by lovingly ignoring their child’s wrong action or attitude, that they will learn how to be nice to others. The problem is that it just does not work! How we all wish it would! If we ignore our child’s evil behavior and attitudes, then like weeds, they will just keep growing until they get out of the control.

This is why it is said in the scripture, “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently” (Prov 13:24).

Some parents have never seen how a child should be confronted with what they have done wrong. They just do not have a clue as to what we should do. Others have been threatened, censored, and criticized into submissiveness as a child.

And when they have grown up, they have either copied this pattern, much to the child’s dismay, or done the opposite. In the later course, we develop spoiled brats. We know we are to be loving but don’t know, and do not want to bother, how that love is to be integrated with child discipline.

In fact, there are some who have identified physical discipline with the lack of love. The scriptures leave us with no conclusion but that unless one uses physical correction such as spankings, then we do not love. How can people hold to two such perspectives? Why would those in the first category even try to make it illegal to paddle or spank a child?

Part of the issue is that those who oppose physical discipline have not been able to see the sin nature of the child. The other part is that they have probably seen so much abuse, if not personally experienced it, they see no place for discipline.

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The question seems to come down to how does mercy blend with training in righteousness. Do we always have to confront sin? When should we simply overlook sin? When we understand what is happening underneath the surface of the child in the conscience, it is easier to judge the answer to these important questions.

Mercy is used when a child is under special duress and there is confusion as to whether he knew what was expected. When we see that our child has a cold and fever, his attitude is often much worse than normal. He is not exercising self-discipline in what he says or does. We will still discipline him for his insubordinate behavior, but we will soften the correction. It doesn’t take much to rebuke him. Along with the softening of correction, we will need to multiply our love and patience toward him. Remember a firm spanking might be needed, but then we should be right there with tender holding and loving words–softer correction and more tenderness.

Once I discovered that one of my sons dropped a piece of regular paper in the toilet. I was thinking about correcting him, but then realized he might not have known about our rules about what we put in the toilet bowl. So although he did wrong, I believe he did not think he knew that it was wrong. It is possible he did know it was wrong, but if I have not clearly spelt out the rules, then I should not hold him responsible. Husbands and wives have to get their instructions and rules together. So I turned from my thoughts about correcting him and instead instructed him.

I explained to him about bio-degradable material and where other papers go. I also warned him there would be consequences if he violates this in the future. I lastly asked him if this was clear. If the paper was big or troublesome, I would have had him join me in cleaning it out. It wasn’t, so I just let it be.

Our child’s welfare is built from good, loving-hearted, and consistent disciplinary action. If we do not confront a child consistently when needed, then we are erasing the line in the middle of the road. The child is less sure it is important to stay on one side of the road. He will go over more often because he thinks it is either okay, or if wrong, he might escape detection!

We need to confront the child’s sin or it becomes lodged in their hearts. We must do it consistently, even though it is easier to overlook it this time, for the sake of the child. They must understand by consistent clarification and rebuke that the rules are clearly marked and that there are specific consequences for breaking the rules.

Find the conclusion here! 3) Correct the Child

 

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Biblical Foundations for Freedom ( BFF )

Rev. Paul J. Bucknell

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