Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting
– Raising Godly Children –
Paul and Linda Bucknell
One Great Team: Dad & Mom #2
Importance of Marital Oneness on Children
Purpose
Importance of Marital Oneness on Children, part 4 of 6 of 'One Great Team', reminds of how harmony between parents is important to the proper development of a child and without it many odd behaviors develop. This is a section from the book, Principles & Practices of Biblical Parenting.
Importance of Marital Oneness on Children
The parents' oneness lies at the foundation not only of your marriage but your family. The union is not to be broken or threatened.
All of the husband and wife's words and actions ought to confirm this fact. When this foundation is translated into real-life actions, the child can grow up with the confidence of love and security. The child should never need to wonder whether his parents hate each other or are separated from each other. Why is this oneness so important for the child?
The parents' life is the child's world. Any time the husband and wife start arguing, it is like two tectonic plates rubbing against each other in the world of the small child. An emotional earthquake happens. Fear arises.
In today's world, most small children know of other families who have experienced divorces. They link these arguments with the possibility of divorce. So, like little earth tremors, they sense something bigger is happening deep down in their once secure world.
After all, children's security is not the home or the world, but their parents' agreement to watch over them. They fear all that love and care will leave, and they will be deserted and left on their own.
The child, who does not see the parents' commitment to oneness, unconsciously develops certain odd behaviors in order to keep their parents from arguing and splitting up their world. For the child, everything is at stake. They are willing to endure rather embarrassing situations like wetting the bed, screaming, etc., just to keep the parents focused on their needs.
Parents rarely connect the occurrence of their child's odd behaviors with their marital disharmony. The solution is not to change the child but to change themselves. The parents can make a big difference for good just by making a few changes toward having a harmonious home.
Pause for Reflection:
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How much time do you as husband and wife spend together talking, walking, etc.?
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How much of this time do you actually spend in front of your children?