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Paul J. Bucknell
How is trust related to intimacy?
Devotion depends on trust. We can go only as deep in our relationships as our trust is strong. Oftentimes, we do not know the limitations of our trust. Struggles and trials of one kind or another bring out the limitations of our trust.
The reason devotion or commitment relies on trust is that devotion is tested through the circumstances of life. As long as one is not tested, blind love covers our hearts and blinds us to the faults of others. But then there is the drastic opening of the eyes. A sense of betrayal sets in. Arguments flare up. One feels caught.
A spouse’s frigidity does not necessarily express the person’s unwillingness to go further in the relationship, but it certainly exposes how deep the relationship still needs to go. Trust is the faith in another that allows one to entrust oneself to the other.
The marriage covenant for life is to produce the ultimate level of trust that is not dependent on circumstances. Notice how Song 4:16 open arms depict ultimate trust.
Awake, O north wind, And come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits! (Song of Solomon 4:16, NASB).
“I am my beloved’s, And his desire is for me” (Song of Solomon 7:10, NASB).
Trust deepens through the years and experiences shared together.
At times there may be lies, truths, or suspicions that can really upset a couple’s trust. These thoughts usually come to the woman. If she doubts his faithfulness or his love for her, then all of sudden she is thrown into great confusion. Her life is unrooted for it rotates around him and entrusting herself to him.
The sexual act is a fine measuring tool for this trust. In bed, one’s sensitivity goes high. Earlier in the evening, there might not seem to be any problems, but once in bed one is very aware that something is wrong when approaching the other.
It is interesting that as soon as one gets married, the couple is potentially able to conceive and have children. They might not have developed much trust, but they have enough to share intimacy.
One’s spiritual life is the same. As soon as one is a believer, the promises for a child of God are instantly true. The simple faith and trust bring a new Christian a long way into a forever relationship with the mighty God. Trust is present though it is in a simplified almost naive state.